he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
