Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
