shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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