Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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