I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
