My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
