So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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