i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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