We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
