I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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