Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
