I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
