I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
