Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
