Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
