all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
