Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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