Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
