Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
