So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So squirting runs in the family.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
