Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
