How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
