are you so shy because you have an std?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
