what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
