I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
