I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
