Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
