Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
