So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
