just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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