I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
