Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
