I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
