I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
