considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
