I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
