okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
