ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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