I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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