Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
