Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
