Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There r osticjed everywhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
