I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
