Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
