This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
