Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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