I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
