What did we do last night that was yellow?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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