Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
