told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
