girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
